Maiden name or married name?

[sillypants]

Just curious, but married ladies: did you keep your maiden name or change to your husbands' name? Why/why not?

Unmarried ladies, would you change your name or not?

Guys, would you expect your wife to change her name?

[vindemiatrix]

Well, you're asking a lesbian, but even if I were straight I wouldn't change my name to my husband's. I just don't really see why I should. O_O

Funnily enough, because I am a complete hypocrite, I'd take my wife's name if I married, if she really wanted to, but then it isn't really a matter of gender inequality.

[sillypants]

Yeah, I see it the same way, but I'm asking because I didn't think my sister-in-law would change her name, but she did. So I wanted to get some different opinions on the matter.

[MichaelB]

I think everyone should go for the split approach.

Smith + Martin marriage?= Smarthins! OR Smith-Martins, but that's not as fun.

Besides, if you get several generations of Smith-Martins and Brown-Kumquats, you'll eventually end up with a child who is named Mary Jennifer Smith-Martin-Brown-Kumquat, which a mind bender for any young child learning to spell their name. If they come from the south, it'd be Mary-Lou May Smith-Martin-Smith-Kumquat.

If she comes from an old-money family, she'd be Mary Jennifer Lucy Smith-Martin-Brown-Kumquat the Third.

Think of the embroidering costs for jackets and hankerchiefs and such. "Yeah, the monograph should read MJLSMBK3"

*brainsplodey*

[vindemiatrix]

Haha, Michael. XD

I'd be happy to go double-barrelled. DOuble-barrelled is cool. It would present problems for the children, mind, if they decided to marry and ALSO go double-barrelled, but in which case if one of us was to physically give birth then they could take that one's original surname alone, or something.

...I'm just going to MAKE UP surnames, fuck it.

[MichaelB]

Make up surnames for your children! YES! We need more Fizzlebottoms in the world.

[Hippie]

Well... honestly, for me, it depends on what his last name is. If it's more interesting than mine, and not weird or hard to spell, then yeah, I'll take it. It doesn't bother me, and I don't like my last name to begin with. Um... or the rest of my name, it's boring. >_>

[butterfly]

I'll change my name. So much easier to have "Mr and Mrs Donkey" than Ms Goat and Mr Donkey, or Mrs Donkey-Goat, Or Mr and Mrs Gokey. Who ever heard of a Gokey? When I have kids, I want them to have the same sirname as me, which if I had a separate name to my husband, either one of us would miss out or the kid'd go double-barrelled, which realistically isn't terribly practical. I also wouldn't want any confusion as to whether I was actually married. Going through life having people constantly needing to check/ assuming otherwise could get a little tiresome, I'd imagine. Besides which, I don't even really like my current surname.

[Aquamonet]

I really want to keep my name because I'm the last one in my family wiith my last name and I don't want to be an end. My name doesn't lend itself to double-barrelledness which would kind of suck for my kid.

[Tundra]

I like the symbolism of a name change... but I'm *used* to my name, dammit, and I also don't like the idea that i'm then part of his family but he's not officially part of mine... hmn. I think I'd want to use both somehow.

[Orion283]

I can go either way on it. If she doesn't mind I suppose the traditional name-taking, or maybe one of those hyphenated dealies. It's easier than explaining fifty-nine-thousand times a day 'yes we're married, no we don't have the same last name'. It seems to me that conversation would happen a lot. But beyond that annoyance, I don't have a particular preference.

[Einna]

I would take Luku's name even without getting married, purely 'cause I hate my family and therefore the family name. As far as I'm concerned, he and our son are my family, so we should all share the family name.

[sillypants]

My uncle's wife kept her surname when they married, so sometimes we call him Mr Jones (wifes' name). Actually, it's only me who does that, and no-one ever gets it....

[TwistedFirestarter]

My mom took my dad's first name as her last name, and my sister and I have a made up last name.

I'm not too sure about what I'll do, I might just keep mine and then my children will get it depending on what feels right? *shrugs* I have time. :P

[Wilwarin]

It's strange. I don't particularly like my surname, but because of it, my initials are cool. If I marry my bf, and take his name, I'll lose the initial thing... so I don't know. Maybe... :?

[cat_lover_4113]

I wouldn't change my surname, cause it is mine! And I think if I changed it to my husband's I would accidently write my last name instead of his at first.

[Heywire]

well, I think my girlfriend is planning on changing hers (yes, we may still be in high school, but we're enjoying being naiive). I personally reckon her current last name is cooler with her first name though.

as for would I expect it; well, I reckon it's a personal choice of the wife.

[Ariella]

I'd change my name for marriage. I'd be sad to not have my maiden name anymore, but, you know, it's traditional! And it would be weirder to be Mrs B. married to Mr Q.

But should I ever manage to publish anything I am going to use my maiden name, married or not. I don't have much reasoning for this apart from that I quite like my surname and I don't want it to entirely go away ):

[Shona]

Well, I'm Hispanic. It's part of our culture to keep our maiden names and take both parents' last names, father's first. So yes, you do have generations that are things like María Andrea Carlo Pérez Maldonado Sánchez Creola Hernández....

But we just use our first two last names, which are the main ones.

Also, I love my last names, so they stay.

[Q Fever]

Mine is a funny story, sit a while and I'll 'splayne it:
I didn't want to change my name, but he told me not to bother turning up at the church if I wasn't going to. So I told him I would, but I did not. I did use his name when I went back to work full-time, but about 3 months after that, I left him. Then 18 months later we were in counselling, and as a sign of good faith I decided (independantly) to take his surname. As part of the whole compromisation of our union. So we got back together. And 2 years later I left again, and it's currently 18 months later from that (you with me?) and I'm in the process now of reverting back again again to my maiden name. My licence is up for renewal in a few weeks so I will change that back and that will be it.

In a good relationship, it will be a mutual decision with no pressure from either side. I won't change my name again.

[Q Fever]

Compromisation is so a word

[vindemiatrix]

I didn't want to change my name, but he told me not to bother turning up at the church if I wasn't going to.

Wow. What an ASSHOLE. From that one sentence I can kind of tell that you are better off without him. O_O

[Q Fever]

I can kind of tell that you are better off without him.

Word.

[TwistedFirestarter]

Vindie beat me to it, but yea. Much better without him.

[Shona]

Dude seriously.

What a fucktard.

>_> I'm so glad you left that bastard in the dust!

[adelaidejane]

Yeah, he was a piece of work, wasn't he. :?

I took Shroomy's last name because it was so exciting to be married and to be a "Mrs". I was going to go double-barreled, but never did. Shroom wouldn't have minded one way or the other what I call myself.

[miki2008]

Sounds like a pretty interesting topic here. And it would seem that many women would prefer to keep their maiden name instead of changing it. Whatever you do is up to you of course, just curious why so many would want to keep their maiden name?

[lethallylovely]

I'm old fashioned, I took his name :D

[vindemiatrix]

I don't think the question is "why keep your maiden name". In most cases, it's "why not?". Why SHOULD a wife take a husband's surname as if she now belongs to him?

It's all down to personal preference. If people want to take their husband's name, good for them. ^___^

[mcnicks]

I do slightly like the idea ... if I ever get to a place where I am marrying somebody ... of changing my name by Deed Poll first, then she can change her name to that when we get hitched. I don't really believe in the institution, though, and I doubt that any woman I would be prepared to marry would either.

[Chrisell]

I was NEVER EVER EVER changing my surname because I love it and it's a part of me . . . until I met Mr Chris, and suddenly I wanted his surname lol.

His surname is nowhere near as cool as mine and is actually a bit goofy, but when I marry him (not that we're *actually* engaged yet, just talking about it seriously) I'll add his surname to the end of my name. I'll officially be Christine Ellen MySurname HisSurname, but in everyday life I'll use Christine HisSurname.

In addition to simply wanting to take on his surname, I also realised that I wanted my family to all have the same surname. My family has a plethora of surnames:

Mum has her maiden name
Dad has his surname
Stepdad has his surname
Stepmum has Dad's surname
My brother and I have Dad's surname
My half-brother and half-sister have Stepdad's and Mum's surnames double-barrelled
My step-brother and step-sister have their father's surname (Stepmum's ex-husband's surname)

Meep!

This is partly due to being a split family, but even in Mum's current nuclear family (Mum, Stepdad and their two kids) there's three different surname formats. It's too confusing lol. I want uniformity in surnames for my family, when I finally have one!

[MelancholyBliss]

I have no attachment to my maiden name. I don't like the family it represents and although I am already known by most people to be a part of this family, I don't like people talking to me about them so if I can help it, I choose not to reveal my maiden name so I don't have to hear about my stupid grandparents or stupid uncle or etc. The only person with that last name I even care about was my dad. And he didn't care if I changed my last name anyway.

Other than that, I've never liked the way it sounded or the way it looked. I hate writing it in print or cursive.

I also want my entire family to have the same name (me, husband and children). If I even liked my maiden name I guess I could have dropped my middle name or added my married name or hyphenated. But I like my middle name, I don't want 4 names and I don't like hyphens. I especially don't want to pass any hyphenated names to my children. 3 names work out just fine for them, thanks.

[LadyAbby]

I'm a romantic at heart and I like the idea of being Mrs. Abby Originallastnameisnowmymiddle So-and-So. So I can keep both but have it not be confusing. I'll just legally change my middle name to my current surname. Though I hate giving up my current middle name.

[Heywire]

you could have it as a second middle name...

[vindemiatrix]

Yeah, what's this about losing your middle name? Have two. I know loads of people with more than one middle name. My uncle John is John Henry McBride Merritt. ^_^

[LadyAbby]

No thanks. :D I prefer to keep things simpler.

[spaceoperadiva]

I've been married twice. The first time I didn't change my name, the second time I did in some fit of over-romantic silliness. It is way more convenient to have everyone in our immediate family have the same surname but there are so many divorced and remarried people as well as people who keep their own name that I think it isn't such a big deal these days.

I don't get the feminist thing with it at all though. You're just refusing to take the name of some guy that you're marrying in preference of keeping some other guy's name. If we really wanted to be feminist about it, we should rename ourselves Marisdottir (insert your Mom's name and add dottir, like the Norse though they were all patronymic jerks too :-P).

[vindemiatrix]

Haha! I never really thought of it like that. Although I plan to use my mum's maiden name as my psuedonym (goddamn that OTHER Stephanie Merritt who is in author, goddamn her to hell), I do vastly prefer and identify with my dad's side of the family anyway (as does my mum, heh), but you definitely have a point there...

[schultzie]

Well, I've always wanted a middle name...


I could see using my maiden name as my middle name...

[vindemiatrix]

I was always disappointed that I only had one. And even that is up for debate as my mother INSISTS it's part of my first name.

[MelancholyBliss]

The actual tradition on Guam is to have two first names, your mom's maiden as your middle name and then your surname. And then when you get confirmed, you get another name as your confirmation name (usually a saint or biblical name) and some people carry that.

So Joe Cruz and Jane Santos have a daughter whose full name is Mary Elizabeth Santos Cruz. Mary Elizabeth is considered her first name. Santos, her middle. Cruz, her last/surname. She gets confirmed and picks Theresa as her confirmation name. Thus she becomes Mary Elizabeth Theresa Santos Cruz.

[vindemiatrix]

...can you pick any biblical name as your confirmation name? There are some AWESOME names in the Bible.

(I was raised by a non-religious family and went to Protestant or secular schools. I have no idea how these things work.)

[MelancholyBliss]

Yup. Any biblical name. Actually you can pick any name you want. But biblical or the name of a saint is tradition.

I started confirmation classes and would've chosen Cecilia. She was the patron saint of musicians. I dropped the class after a couple weeks because it would've conflicted with driver's education classes. Driver's license? Or confirming my status as an adult believer of the Catholic church? It really wasn't a hard decision at all. However, it did cause quite a stir among the church goers at my parish. My dad's younger brother is a big deal, prominant priest here and is now the regional leader of the Cappuchin friars on Guam, Hawaii and the rest of the Pacific. A handful of old Chamoru ladies tattle told on me and thought it was quite the disgrace that Father Eric's only niece wasn't confirmed. It would've been totally cool if I chose the name of a fallen angel, even if it were male as they usually are. OOH! Can you imagine if I chose Lillith? I don't think they would've allowed that, though.

Small town/island life. Gotta love it.

[Thuriel]

When I was young I had a friend whose last name was Martin, but his mother had kept her maiden name of Zimmer, and it confused the heck out of me--did I call her Mrs. Zimmer? Ms. Zimmer? Ian's Mom? I never did figure it out, and I've managed to go through life without ever addressing her by name...

Also, legally changing your name doesn't necessarily mean giving up your old name(s). Legally, my mother's initials are just SCY, but informally her initials are SCECY. She has a shirt with it and everything. ^^

Why SHOULD a wife take a husband's surname as if she now belongs to him?
This raised my eyebrow (well, no it didn't, but I mean metaphorically)--I don't get the whole "took his name, am now his" train of thought. Does someone own the other people in his family? Could I go up to my brother next time we're within the same thousand-mile-radius and say "Hey, I own you because you have my last name"? I don't think so... (but if I could, hey, tell me now because I'm gonna have fun come June! :D) so I've always seen the wife-taking-the-husband's-name thing as more of a "We're peers now!" thing. Though why they wouldn't be peers before, I don't know...

I will admit, however, that the whole has-to-be-the-husband's-name tradition is pretty skewed... but I will not be giving up or changing my last name!

The example with my brother is flawed, I know, by the fact that we are both males--but hopefully it serves its purpose well enough without me having to invent a sister...

[Sammi]

When I was young I had a friend whose last name was Martin, but his mother had kept her maiden name of Zimmer, and it confused the heck out of me--did I call her Mrs. Zimmer? Ms. Zimmer? Ian's Mom? I never did figure it out, and I've managed to go through life without ever addressing her by name...

This is actually quite easy. I rarely use people's names unless they're not paying attention to me and I need them too. (I've always been somewhat afraid of calling someone by the wrong name, so I've gotten used to abstaining most of the time in general).

[Thuriel]

^ Oh, yeah, I barely ever say anybody's name in conversation. If I'm talking in a crowd and I want to get a specific person's attention, I look at them, and if that doesn't work, I point at them... vaguely rude (I just spelled that "rood" *blink*) but it makes them look at me. Plus it tends to quiet down everybody else in the conversation, which is a plus, because I tend to have issues not having what I say be run over by others... But I do sometimes use names if the situation warrants it... but with this particular person, I've known her since I was, like, four or five years old, and I have never said her name. Even when she wasn't around--other people would bring her up, and I'd just use pronouns.

*shrug*

[adam]

Maybe it's because I'm not a women, so there's little chance of me losing my last name... but I never understood the big hoopla that went along with taking a husband's last name. But then again I do kind of thing that marriage is becoming an outdated institution and that it doesn't mean what it used to mean... blah blah blah. But if Nick asked me, I would marry him... in the odd way gays get married but not married now. I wouldn't take his last name though or I'd have a name of a cartoon character or something.

Maybe I can talk Nick into taking my last name?

[Justin]

I never really thought about this, Adam is always making me think about stuff I would never think about otherwise...geez.

I wouldn't take Lee's name, mine is better.

or a coin toss to decide would be interesting...best two out of three?

[adam]

I'm thought provoking... nice.

[Justin]

Everything you say just leads me to a place where I'm going to get into trouble. *shuts mouth and goes to sit in corner*

[adam]

I did discover that if Nick takes me name and I say it quickly it starts to sound like "advance"

[Justin]

How the heck does Nick Vance sound like advance, however fast you say it?

[adam]

Well... I drop some letters and kind of slur my words. I promise, it's there. Try it again.

[Justin]

Your name turns into advance very easily...Nick is more like...no

[adam]

You're really no fun, you know that. I did tell Nick that if he asked me to marry him, I would. He just gave me that "don't even go there look". It was quite funny.

[Justin]

You aren't supposed to say that, geez. How can he be spontaneous if you go around saying stuff like that.

I asked Lee if he ever wondered what I'd say if he asked...the fact I got pretty much the same look out of him has nothing to do with anything :p